by Paul Dean
August 30, 2003
My name is Joe Kamel. I am the average American they always talk about. I support the President, because he is much better than Saddam, who gassed his own people. I drive a giant SUV with giant American flags draped all over it. Every few days, those flags get a bit stale. But I donít worry. When that happens, I just send the little woman out to put on some fresh ones. I canít stand those Hollyweird types that tried to get our troops killed by going against America. Actors should just shut up and entertain us, and keep their mindless opinions to themselves.
Iím gonna vote for The Terminator for governor in the California recall, so we regular guys can get a break. I know what I know because I watch TV and listen to talk radio. I donít belong to a union, and I donít want to hear anything bad about America or the President. When some anti-American crap comes on the TV, I change the channel to FOX, or turn my radio up real loud.
Believe me, Iím not prejudiced or anything. I just happen to think all those sand-nigger towel-heads should go back where they came from, Ďcause these colors donít run. Weíve got to teach them a lesson for what Saddam did on 911.
I canít stand homos. I eat a lot of hormonally injected, anti-biotic treated cattle.† I am not worried at all about Mad Cow disease. If I ever do see a mad cow, Iíll show her whoís mad. Iíll flatten the sonofabitch with my giant double cab pickup truck, assuming Iím not driving my SUV at the time. I drink huge quantities of American beer, and love genetically modified Corn Crispies. The liberal media keeps trying to turn my head around, but they might as well be talking to a piece of wood for all the good it will do them.
All those leftist hippie liberals like Joe Lieberman can go to hell. Iím sticking with the President, cause he wonít let terrorists take over here like they did in Iraq. Here we come and offer them freedom, and they donít even want it! We shoulda used the nukular option when we had the chance.
The un-Americans keep talking about budget deficits like it was some big deal. What do they think credit cards are for? A few credit cards are what I use when I get budget deficits. I used my refund from Bushís tax cut ($136) for a down payment on one of those giant TV sets that are as big as the end wall in my living room. It set me back $5000, but that isnít bad when you stop to think that it only works out to around $98 a month for the next 20 years at 26% interest.†
Sure, we have big deficits, but only because of the axis of evil -- Clinton and Saddam. And just look at how Bushís tax cuts have stimulated the economy. If I hadnít got my tax cut, I still might have bought that giant TV, but I probably would have had to pay around $103 a month for the rest of my life at 26% interest, instead of the $98 I pay now.† That extra $5 per month IĎm saving goes right back into stimulating the economy, especially with that thirsty 80 gallon gas tank on my SUV, and with gas up around $2.35 per gallon.
Freedom isnít free any way, and all those folks that think that their government should give them health care should go to some communist countries that have it, like France, Germany, Italy, Canada, Switzerland, Britain, Spain, Portugal, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Australia, or any other un-American place where socialist corruption rules.
God said Thou Shalt Not Kill, but that was before 911. I know He told Bush it was okay now, Ďcause He talks to George all the time. Not like before. How many of you peckerheads think God told Clinton to pork that little hussy? I donít think so.†††††††††††††††
Bush has made me feel good about being American. In the bad old days, there used to be too damn many jobs, and some of those un-American fools thought just because people voted for someone, the person that got the most votes should be President. Bush changed all that. Clinton tried to pretend to be a real American. He did kick all those loafers off welfare. And he helped Americans turn our good paying jobs into low paying jobs for Mexican factory workers. But Bush has done it all bigger and faster. I like Bush because he says what he thinks, real straight, without all that slick Hollywood stuff. Did you see him after we kicked the crap outta them Iraqis? Stood up there on that aircraft carrier like a real man and a American, and nobody can tell me different.
They said on the TV that some of our troops are whining about how hot it is in Iraq, and they are not so happy about getting shot at all the time. I suppose it just shows that some sissy boys can get in the army. But you have to blame that on the one who caused it -- Clinton. And they say a lot of people have lost their jobs, and so a bunch of whiners might not support the President next time. Well, Iíve still got my job, and Iíve just got one thing to say to all those losers- United We Stand, so get over it!
A whole buncha liberal whiners keep blabbering about rich people getting tax cuts, and corporations doing bad stuff. But think of it this way: If it werenít for generous support from Enron, Bush might never have gotten to be President. And these morons forget that it is rich people that give us jobs. Thatís how it works in America. Not like in Iraq before we liberated them. In Saddamís totalitarian socialist dictatorship, only those that supported the dictator got jobs and business contracts, while everyone else starved.† Now that Iraq has freedom, Bush is free to reward anyone he likes with billions of dollars worth of government contracts.†††††††††††††
Some people keep crying about the Weapons of Mass Destruction, saying the President lied. I canít believe anybody has the nerve to call the Commander in Chief of the United States of America a liar. Who do they think he is, Bill Clinton? †Plus, I donít ever recall Bush saying Saddam was a nice guy, like all those revisionist-historian-liberals are constantly doing. So that settles it, right? Where do you people think you would be if we hadnít liberated Iraq when we did? Iíll tell you where -- arenít you jerks paying attention? Weíd all be sitting in the middle of a mushroom cloud, by God! What is wrong with you idiots?
Just one more thing, while we still are on the subject of stupid morons with no more sense than a damn monkey. Over at the Justice Department, Ashcroft, a good Christian and a good friend of the Confederacy, is out there doing his dead level best to insure that terrorists donít get us again. He constantly warns us, even tells us when and how much we should worry, with that great color-coded system of his. What more can a person do?
And instead of being grateful, all the unAmericans can do is use scare tactics to frighten us into thinking that for some reason, a good White American Christian would ever try to take Our Freedoms away! How the hell do they think the man can protect you from box-cutter-wielding-maniacs at airports? It is just obvious that to have any hope of protecting you, your government needs to know where you are, who your friends are, who you are having sex with, what groups you belong to, where you shop, what you buy, and what you are doing, thinking, reading, writing and saying.
I personally think Ashcroft puts on a real good Patriot Act. I guess this just proves that some idiots canít tell a Patriot from a totalitarian dictatorís thug.
It should now be obvious who hates freedom. Just in case you are one of the fools who missed it, let me spell it out for you.† The ones who hate freedom are the war protestors, feminists, environmentalists, hippies, gays, Democrats, Arabs, Hollywood losers, abortionists, unionists, Clintons, Green Party dreamers, socialists, activists, minorities, foreigners, abortionists, old people, Clintons, medicinal pot users, and anybody else who doesnít support the President.
If you donít support the President, I hope Ashcroft does take your freedom away. That is what should happen to people who are guilty of treason. With your attitude, you donít deserve freedom anyway. I know I said it before, but Iíll say it again. The kind of freedom we have here in America isnít free. Not by a long shot.