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Stupid Is As Stupid Does
by Allen Snyder
January 14, 2005

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Since November, Christian fundamentalists have been flourishing their alleged popular mandate for taking America back to the days of forced prayer, heresy laws, and witch hunts.  The media trumpets to High Heaven that it was good Christian folk with solid “moral values” who put the born-again Chimpster back in office.  Now the fundies are aggressively pushing their retro agenda on rabidly approving Republican toadies and meek opposition Fraidy-crats.

The ink wasn’t even dry on the gift checks before fundies were everywhere screeching about the Pledge, the Ten Commandments, evolution, Intelligent Design, gays, Christmas, and the horrible oppression they suffer at the hands of secular liberals and other assorted communist sympathizers (gag!).

Their sick goal, of course, is nothing short of a medieval Christian America with their highly perverted version of the Jesus myth explicitly codified right into the fabric of America’s legal, political, educational, and judicial systems.

Till then, they insist, we’re not supposed to call them “stupid”.

They won, so they’re not stupid.

The President’s one of them; they’re not stupid.

They’ve got “moral values”; not stupid.

They clinched the election.  Stupid? 


If stupid is as stupid does, then if they’re as stupid as I, oh so politically incorrectly, think they are, then they should have given themselves away in spades by now, leaving behind legions of reality-based disbelieving head-scratchers like me.

Check it out.

The Creationism/Evolution “Debate”

Considering we’re the only country in the world who wastes so much oxygen on this issue and that any serious scientist without a faith-based funda-botomy has been firmly on the side of evolution for decades, this one doesn’t look good for the righties.  Despite their clever transition from IC (Insane Creationism: that’s the ol’ “the Earth is 6,000 years old” crap) to ID (Intelligent Design: that’s the “the human eye is so wonderful and perfect, it couldn’t develop randomly” crap), they still don’t see the basic fact that Creationism is light years from being science and evolution is infinitely more than the mere speculative theory they try to denigrate it as. I suppose this makes sense given that the collective scientific ignorance of both messenger and recipient are off the charts.

There are places specifically designed to talk about science; they’re called schools. And, there are places designed specifically to talk about creationism; they’re called churches.  Nevertheless, public schools in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, Georgia and no doubt Kansas have either added ID creationism to the science curriculum or stickered science textbooks with an evolution disclaimer (remember, kiddies, it’s just a theory).

Don’t these people remember why Kansas backtracked on this last time around?

It was ‘cause they didn’t want everyone to think they were stupid.

Guess nobody cares this year, eh?

Homosexuality and Gay Marriage

Only if homosexuality is a conscious life choice (i.e., a function of free will) can anyone call it “sinful” (the bogus root of the term notwithstanding).  We are only held morally responsible for the choices we freely make.  That’s why no one thinks it’s immoral to be black or have brown eyes -- these are beyond our control (there are those that do, but they’re stupider than stupid).

Here’s what’s so stratospherically retarded about the fundie line of argument.  If homosexuality is a choice, then it must be that heterosexuality is a choice, too.  But just like I have never met a gay person who ever decided to be gay, I never met a straight person who ever decided to be straight.

I guess what the fundies must mean is that we’re all born heterosexual by the grace of God. We all come out of the box as good normal heterosexuals.  That’s why gays have to choose and straights don’t -- gays choose to act against their divinely predetermined sexuality.  That’s what makes them hell-bound sinners, they’ve dissed God.

As for the marriage part, is it just coincidence that the part of the country that hems and haws the loudest and most about marriage, abortion, and abstinence is the same part that leads the nation in divorces, abortions, teen pregnancy, and unmarried sex?

Hmm.  Can you say ignorance, repression, and denial?  How ‘bout stupid? 

I knew you could.

The “Pro-Life” View

As long as you’re NOT an Iraqi civilian, a US child living in poverty sans health care, a needy military vet, a victim of African genocide, an AIDS case, a non-human life form, a drug addict, pregnant and single, or a Democratic Congressman, then, yeah, they’re all sorta pro-life.

And if you happen to be a microscopic globule of fertilized (doesn’t matter how) human genetic material, a defense contractor, a tax cut, a Bush loyalist, or Osama bin-Laden, then they’re REALLY pro-life.

The hypocrisy of their pro-life posturing is in keeping with the whole “we’re Christians!”, “we’re conservatives” and “we’re compassionate” bits.

But of course, they’re not Christians (would Jesus really drop illegal cluster bombs and use illegal napalm on children?), they’re not conservatives (would conservatives spend wildly and run up massive deficits?) and they’re not compassionate (does compassion involve turning a blind eye to others’ suffering?).

That they’re oblivious to all of it while they’re used as political pawns and lotsa people die?

We have a word for that:  Fucking Stupid.  OK, that’s two words.

Right-wing stupidity is so pervasive and widespread, this article can’t come close to plumbing its depths.  Nevertheless, there is something you can do.

When you see the so-called red-staters driving their “W” adorned SUVs around with their Christian “truth” fish gobbling up Darwin fish, their “marriage = one man and one woman” bumper stickers, and their anti-choice license plates, don’t get angry -- pity them.

They’ve proved and seem proud of the fact that they are indeed the stupidest people on Earth -- they oughta be treated as such.

Allen Snyder is an instructor of Philosophy and Ethics. He can be reached at

Other Articles by Allen Snyder

* The Pledge, Part II: Time For It To Go
* Deadly Sinful Bush is No Christian
* BushCo Has A "Tell"
* Banning Same-Sex Marriage Violates Church-State Separation
* Oops, I Lied My Ass Off Again!
* Bush’s Education Policies Aim To Undermine Democracy and Dumb Students Down
* Is Florida Run By Sadists?
* Finally Fascist
* 16 Words + 28 Pages = 44 Distractions