"They Can Make Money in Iraq!"
Good Ole American Know-how Impresses and Confuses the World
by Jerre Skog
September 23, 2003
The trouble with official US policies is not its stated goals. We all can stand behind those. It's the way it's done and the way it's explained that make people a bit confused. All these new methods, labels and expressions that manage to give the observer the wrong impressions. We all love liberation of oppressed people. We applaud democracy being introduced in a country suffering under a bloody dictator and we cheer when freedom, prosperity and peace embrace one more country. What we find so confusing are the new and unconventional methods developed to reach these aims. Is it the good old American know-how at work? If so, can someone please, PLEASE, explain how it works!
Take Iraq. Hmm someone already did! Anyway, think of the example of Iraq! Here the new, and can we guess rather experimental and untested methods, definitely can confuse. Liberation and democracy are introduced and enforced, first by starving the country during 12 years of UN-sanctions, then bombing cities and infrastructure to rubble, then invading the country, shooting every living thing thirsty for liberation and democracy for batting an eyelid. Then allowing the looting of museums, hospitals and private homes and employing former regime-butchers to police the country and inform on people they don't like or even people who dare to object to democracy in its new American form, where leaders are corrupt and bought. Finally, the American way of introducing these wonderful western values entails appointing a puppet government under wanted embezzler Ahmed Chalabi, taking its orders from the same US rulers who try to win the hearts and minds of the liberated people. We are all for democracy and liberation, but the question is how does the American method work? Is it something done with mirrors or what?? Many of us less sophisticated thinkers are still in the old-fashioned mode of believing the less people you bomb and kill the more can benefit from all the good things you want to give them. Or could it be that this way they will get liberated funerals and democratic prayers (as long as the mourners are not shot down during the ceremony, of course). Like I said, confusing!
As for freedom, prosperity and peace etc, an extraordinarily inventive genius in the White House or the Pentagon -- could it be the guy who invented the clever phrase "collateral damage" -- has come up with a revolutionary idea to make the new methods infallible: Freedom, prosperity and peace etc are best reached by selling out the country, cheap, to foreign investors. Then freedom, prosperity and peace are supposed to reign in Iraq in a not too distant future! (In ten to twenty years, if we are to believe the liberators.) Amazing! I mean we hail the goals but we don't understand the means. Give us a clue, fellas?? If we understand, we might write poems praising you or submit plays cheering your successes (instead of wasting our valuable time writing stuff like this).
One who obviously thinks selling out his country works, at least for himself, is the Iraqi "Finance Minister" Kamel Al-Keylani, member of the quisling-government under the wanted criminal Chalabi. This opportunist gentleman has announced sweeping new measures to encourage foreign investments (other than, but not excluding, American, that is) in Iraq. Ordered by the American owners, the Iraqi puppets now intend to sell out "100% of Iraqi assets”, meaning everything, including banks, schools, hospitals, museums (and probably police, former regime-butchers and prisons as well). In short everything that has the potential of earning money for an investor. Oil and minerals are excluded of course, these assets are to be "nationalized", as far as we understand meaning profits going exclusively to US oil companies and "thank you" bribes going to the puppet regime under Chalabi -- all in order to, we may surmise, speed up the final goal of freedom, prosperity and peace. It's not difficult to understand that those who (cheaply) buy Iraqi assets find a bit of prosperity, but how do Iraqis benefit from this? As I said, we love you guys, but fill us in. Is it a new economic principle invented by Milton Friedman or Kenneth Lay?? The unconventional White House methods of liberation and democracy-enforcement might work, but HOW?
The announcement about selling Iraq was welcomed (or was it ordered?) by the US Treasury Secretary John Snow. Iraq is to be sold to the highest bidders, lock, stock and barrel, most probably at rock bottom prices and as a result the Iraqis will be prosperous in the future democratic Iraq ruled by a puppet wanted for fraud to the tune of some hundreds of millions. It's brilliant!! Who could imagine that? You make them rich by stealing what they have! I mean WOW! Why has nobody explained that to Alan Greenspan? (Later US companies can always buy back the lucrative enterprises at favorable rates, subsidized by the greenback printing of the Federal Reserve, so maybe Greenspan WAS in on it from the beginning.)
According to the BBC, a senior American official tried to make the bait tasty by saying "... they can make money in Iraq...". Now hold it a sec! "THEY CAN MAKE MONEY IN IRAQ!!!" (meaning the investors). This is getting real weird. "They can make money in Iraq!" Wasn't the object of the illegal aggression and brilliant scheme to liberate, introduce democracy, freedom, prosperity and peace and those other nice things we all love so much? (Oh, yeah, there was something about weapons of mass destruction, come to think of it, but as nobody in the liberating country has said a word about those WMD for half a year, one tends to forget them.) Has there been a cock-up somewhere? Hasn't a senior American official been told that those hundreds of billions the American taxpayers spent on the quagmire are supposed to make the IRAQIS prosperous and democratic (etc, etc, etc)? It wasn't foreign investors who were supposed to benefit, was it? Or is it sub-plan 7c at work here, with something like collateral benefits for the coalition' willing puppets?
Whatever! We who love real democracy expect to see the ignorant senior official called back and informed, sternly, about the stated objectives, democracy and freedom etc for Iraq. It wouldn't hurt to whisper a few words to Cheney, Rumsfeld and Wolfowitzzzzz either, those fellas are contradicting themselves so much these days that it might be counterproductive to the new type of democracy-enforcing methods!
I guess one day all will be revealed to us and we will admire, in all its daring, inventive and brilliant dazzle the American way of liberating and introducing prosperity and democracy (etc, etc, etc). Before that time, however, it might be clever to extend explanations to the people that are the guinea pig in the experiment. As far as can be seen, many in Iraq are completely in the dark about America's real objectives. Iraqis in general are no more informed, clever or sophisticated than Americans (they have the excuse, however, that they had their dictator forced on them while Americans almost voluntarily elected their president), and as long as the Iraqis misunderstand the goodness of the American occupation, they might object violently to it. The new methods used are so very American in their sophisticated complexity and straightforward execution, where the end justifies the means, that we have to understand and pardon those misguided enough to blow up an American convoy now and then. A good way to inform and explain to ignorant Iraqis is to plant a little American flag, with attached explanation of the ingenious methods in liberating and introducing prosperity and democracy (etc, etc, etc), beside every dead Iraqi who just happened to be in the neighborhood when the Americans were at their most dedicated in their liberative efforts and democratic zeal. With the number of civilian Iraqis being killed, this PR stunt ought to spread the word quickly.
Once Iraqis can be made to understand that:
Bombing their country,
Firing into crowds indiscriminately killing Iraqi men, women and children,
Denying them security, electricity and clean water,
Importing exiles of questionable repute to rule their country under a foreign power,
Selling out their country's assets to the highest bidders and
Stealing their valuable oil under the label export,
is all part of a grand and ingenious plan in order to liberate Iraq and introduce prosperity and democracy (etc, etc, etc), the country will accept the clever but unorthodox way America has of ensuring this noble end. Freedom, democracy (etc, etc) and nothing else are the American objectives in Iraq!! Those finding it difficult to grasp the new ideas are advised to enroll in the American training centre for educating stubborn locals at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. As added benefits, new recruits will be issued with cute orange overalls and subsidized Coca-Cola!
Talking about setting the Iraqis straight, here is a suggestion that will ensure a more efficient execution of the new methods for getting freedom, democracy etc, etc to Iraq. We all can see that every American and British soldier killed or wounded is carefully noted and the numbers added, recorded and published (not to mention the dignified grieving with caskets covered by the national flag at the burial-site), while the number of Iraqis who happen to lose their lives in the crossfire of the democracy-freedom push is ignored - perhaps the high number of Iraqis killed makes the task of keeping count too difficult. Be that as it may, but some suspicious Iraqis just MAY deduct from this practice that the democracy-enforcers value their own lives much higher than those of the people they are there to liberate!? This, of course, is not correct and to avoid conveying the wrong impression we recommend that the number of killed Iraqis be published in the future. It doesn't have to be correct, of course, the main point is to show concern and who can figure out if those limbs found after a F-16 attack belong to one or five persons? Just pick some numbers out of a hat and then say you're "sorry, but they died for the sake of freedom and democracy etc, etc!"
That the Afghanistan adventure failed, btw, in spite of applying many of the same methods in use in Iraq and installing a puppet regime just like in Iraq, can be explained away by the methods at the time not being fully understood by the troops there to apply them. Other factors could also invalidate the theories behind the sophisticated methods for introducing democracy, freedom, prosperity and peace. Is it possible that the geographical conditions in mountainous areas could demand refinements or alterations?? Further data will show? And to be fair, "democratic" Afghanistan is not a complete failure. Latest figures published by the BBC indicate economic growth of a staggering 30%, opium sales responsible for only 76% of the economy, to compare with the measly 12% of the economy that opium stood for under those nasty Taliban. And rape, robbery and murder in certain parts of Kabul (inside Karzai's offices for instance) will soon be almost as low as it was under the evildoers!
Once the Iraqis are persuaded to understand that America does the things it does purely as an unselfish benefactor, all misguided resistance will cease. The rest of us, too, wait anxiously for an explanation of the revolutionary new way of introducing you-know-what. Wow, “those clever Americans have done it again” will be the probable reaction worldwide. Should we all apply for a bit of help to receive a bit of liberation and the introduction prosperity and democracy (etc, etc, etc)? If the ideas really function it might be a great hit business-wise and patent rights could be traded, including options, options on options and futures on options on options!
We'll have to wait, however. It is very probable that the cunning American methods need further testing and refinement. A good guess is that after introducing democracy, freedom etc, etc in this way in Iran, North Korea, Syria, Libya, the application and execution will be flawless by the troops and the principles will be fully understood even by the inventors of the new methods.
So far we are not amused, but rather worried! Suppose the ingenious methods fail, American though they are?